Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Gnome Hunting

Waterloo Ontario is a pretty small town.
The University students there try to find things to do, and one favorite practice of a certain group of students was gnome hunting.
Gnome hunting involves stealthily running up onto people's lawns and stealing the gnomes for the collection.
They perform this ritual full camo gear.
At night.
The ritual ends with hiding all the gnomes they collect in the closet and drinking afterwards to toast their booty.

Well on this particular night of gnome hunting, two of the house mates (Jim and Michael) decided it would be fun to spice it up a bit and dropped acid before the hunt. The other housemate (Anna) stayed home to work on an essay. This was probably a good thing.
The boys went hunting for a few hours and came back, scurried to the the closet and then joining Anna in the common room.

Anna- how was the hunt?

Jim- Oh, it was good, we caught a few..

Michael- Yea, and we caught a live one!

Anna - What do you mean, "a live one?"

Michael - We a walked him over here, a real, live GNOME!!!!

Anna- Where is he?

Michael- Where would he be? we put him in the closet!!

Anna- Umm.. Maybe you should let me see him.

Michael - no way, he is ours!

Anna- Let me look in the closet. Now.

Michael- Alright fine, but just to see how kick ass my live gnome is.

Anna entered the room a little nervous, concerned as to what animal her two acid tripping housemates could have brought home, mistaking it for a gnome. She was very surprised to find a live, mentally disabled "little person" in her housemates closet. Very surprised.
She decided, and rightfully so that she should call the cops. The conversation went like this:

Anna- Yes hello officer? My housemate found this man, and we think he might be mentally disabled, and he umm. He won't get out of the closet.

Michael (yelling loudly) - Tell the cop its a gnome!!!

Officer - Excuse me? Did you say you have a retarded man in your closet,

and that he is a gnome?

Anna- Well um.. you see, the disabled man, looks like he might be a...little person

Officer- I see. So a retarded midget is hiding in your closet? We will send an officer right over.


A few minutes later a couple officers showed up and explained that they had received a call from a nursing facility that said one of their patients had escaped, and that the officers believed this person might be him. After a few minutes of explaining why on earth her roommates would have brought the man home (lying of course and claiming the boys were concerned for the man's safety) the officers determined that the young men had acted appropriately and took the man back to his home.

A few weeks later the boys got a letter, and not remembering what had happened on their last gnome hunting trek, were surprised to read that they were being awarded a commendation for good citizenship and a hefty monetary reward ($5000).

So there ya go kids, it literally pays to get high on acid, and kidnap mentally retarded little people.
By the way? True story.


8 Comments:

Blogger Anthony said...

That was F-reakin' hilarious. Too bad it had to happen in Waterloo though... blech... I guess nothing in life is perfect.

Blogger Nick said...

Was Napoleon there?

I can't believe the mentally defecient elf couldn't defend itself.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

It was probably the most fun the guy had had in ages. He probably wishes he could've stayed.

Was he wearing a red hat?

Blogger Carie said...

lol to damn funny

Blogger Toronto Film Grad said...

funniest

story


EVER!

Blogger Calzone said...

Dude...the fonz??

Blogger Miss HT Psych said...

That was perhaps the funniest story I've heard in a long time. Do you have the link for that story? Maybe I could use it for an assignment... LOL!

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

I wrote it (the account of it that is), so you can have a copy of it if you like... or you can have a link to this blog post..

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