Saturday, October 15, 2005
Fuck you and the artificial chocolate concoction you rode in on..
You've all seen it. The ad with the two women sitting at a spa in housecoats, eating this disgusting faux chocolate, gushing over how chocolaty it is. "Zen wrapped in Karma dipped in chocolate good" "Getting a foot massage while shopping for shoes. Chocolate shoes good!" "a full chocolate body wrap good!" "Dating a masseuse good"

I won't even go near how offensive and ill-informed the zen wrapped in karma comment is. These women go on for the entire ad talking about how superficially wonderful this low-cal treat is, proving yet again that women would rather stuff their bodies full of chemicals in order to taste something sweet, for fear of gaining a few ounces. What pisses me off is the bullshit they compare it to. Chocolate shoes!?!? Is this a spa or a mental clinic and you are recovering from your lobotomy?

There is no yogurt in the world that would inspire me to compare it to shoe shopping. Well maybe this one, because I HATE SHOE SHOPPING! If I eat something really amazing (that usually comes from all natural ingredients and is of the ice-cream variety) then it reminds me of, getting my Masters, or I dunno WORLD-FRICKIN-PEACE?!?!?!

What ever marketing brain trust came up with this campaign should be shot and pissed on. The idea that women get together and eat yogurt, gushing over its ability to let them enjoy calories is total nonsense, not to mention the brainless things these women come up with to compare it to.

You want to know what it looks like when a girlfriend and I eat faux-chocolate?

Something like this

Me: lets try these low-cal chocolate ice cream bars..

Friend: alright fine, but only because we are out of the good stuff.

Me: well it was on sale, what are ya gonna do..

(both start eating bars)

Friend: Wow... These are.... gross.

Me: Yea... splenda tastes like skunk ass.

Friend: Lets toss these out and get Hagen-Daz..

Me: Yea that would be much better.

Fuck you Yoplait.


Blogger Übermilf said...

We must be on the same wavelength. I was going to write about how much I hate those two idiots but I couldn't find an image of them. And you know I can't post a story without an image. That would be... un-Ubermilf.

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

yea, I decided a pic of the yogurt would have to be enough, I would have loved a video of the actual ad myself...

Blogger Miss HT Psych said...

I gotta say I agree with you. Low-cal splenda shit tastes like ass (well, what I imagine ass might taste like, LOL!). ESPECIALLY yogurt. I'm sorry... to me, yogurt = dairy. Is there actually any dairy in the low-cal/non-fat shit? I'm not sure that there is.
But I think that male advertisers still don't really know what "feminine" is. To them, feminine = shopping, shoes, gossip and cooking. Personally, I don't really enjoy any of these things. Maybe I'm wrong... is anyone else?

Blogger Toronto Film Grad said...

This is hilarious! Especially the skunk ass thing.

I think advertisers only think women care about calories and shopping. And guys only care about getting a good deal and/or succeeding despite idiocy. Reminds me of the commerical where the woman has an orgasm while washing her hair. Hey, i LOVE a good shower, but come on.

Anyway, thanks for tearing these morons a new one!

Blogger Brookelina said...

Someone else who hates shoe shopping!!! Yay! I was starting to think I was some sort of freak of female nature.

I hate this ad too. Let's face it, if women are going to gush over chocolate - it's going to be over quality stuff and they are going to compare it to a good fucking - not a pair of shoes.

Blogger ginonymous said...

i too, despise shoe shopping. also, artificial food.

they have to spell crab with a "k" when it's that artificial whitefish stuff ("krab salad"), so why not "fud" or something when it has a higher percentage of chemically wierdness than you know, actual foodstuffs?

maybe fod, with an umlaut. that would also serve to make it hardcore. like motley crue.

i've gotten rather completely off the point tonight on everything i've tried to say..

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

I've never understood shoe shopping, or the alleged joy in it. Bending over... and heels... ick.. I'm 5'5 so I'm supposed to like them, but I woud rather look like my short curvy self then suffer...

I don't understand who we are trying to convince when we eat the low-cal shit? Has anyone ever eaten a fake chocolate (like sugar free hershey) and honestly thought it tasted as good as the real thing? I don't think so. If anything I would feel more guilty about eating that then my tub o' hagen, because of all the chemicals I was putting in my poor body

Blogger Übermilf said...

Of the things mentioned by Miss HT, the only thing I like is cooking; it's like a science project and an art project rolled into one!

As for the other things, they are unhappy necessities to me. Except for the gossip, which I only enjoy if it's nasty stuff about Republicans or Televangelists.

Blogger scribble said...

HA !!
Love this entry.
I need to curse more on my blog.
I wont be trying that crap now... well not before either.
I hate artificial sweetners...

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

sometimes cursing, when used effectively, really makes it worth it.. I try not to overuse it though...

I'm thinking we should do a series on the ads that really piss us off.. not just for sexist reasons..

Blogger Loz said...

1) i love shoe shopping. i realise this makes me grossly unpopular on this particular blog, but i do. i was going to buy some new shoes for work today but had trouble finding the right combination of open toe, clos.... ok you don't care.

2) i enjoyed low carb chocolate while on my low carb diet about 18 months ago. truly. i mean, if you ate more than 1/3 of the block you'd be stuck in the toilet for the rest of the day but the flavour was ok.

3) don't hate me. the first 2 things don't make me the antichrist.

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

if you ate more than 1/3 of the block you'd be stuck in the toilet for the rest of the day but the flavour was ok.

right there? that redeemed you!

Blogger Jaded&Opinionated said...

I eat low-carb chocolate because I can't eat the real stuff too often. But I don't for a second think that it's as good... it'll do in a pinch. I refuse to eat yogurt with artificial sweeteners because it tastes like shit. Plain or vanilla yogurt with some fresh berries is fantastic, and good for any diet, low-carb or low cal or whatever the hell diet you're on. Unless it's no dairy. I digress.

Shoe shopping - used to love it. Tore the tendons in both feet, which never went back to normal, so now I wear a wide width. Hate shoe shopping.

Those two yogurt whores...oh my GOD... I have HATED those commercials since the first one!!! First, the premise is just stupid and condescending, for all of the reasons everyone's already mentioned. Secondly, one girl is so weird looking it bugs me. Shallow? Probably. Oh well. Mr. Jaded is sick of me complaining every single time those commercials come on. I can't believe that there are enough people out there who actually LIKE them, that the freakin' company thinks it helps them sell yogurt to have two vacuous women represent them. UGH UGH UGH!!!

Blogger Anthony said...

That commercial has never really bothered me before, but I am, after all, a man. I live for food that will destroy my heart. Unfortunately I live in a house full of fat free cheese and other crap that will destroy my liver.

Blogger Citizen Grim said...

The "zen wrapped in karma dipped in chocolate" line is the one that pisses me off everytime I see the commercial. How idiotic.

Imagine going to Calcutta or something and seeing an ad for curry, and they describe it as, "It's like Jesus wrapped in Allah dipped in caramel good!"

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