Friday, September 16, 2005
Too Posh to Push, *Expounded*
I wrote this post a few months ago after reading a very enlightening article in Bitch magazine. Brittany Spears' recent latest weekend at the spa, I mean birth inspired me to finally post it.. I know it's long, but be nice to me and read it if you are up for some good debate...

"Rebecca Eckler would like you to know that she does not have a vagina"- Andi Zeiler (Bitch issue No. 28)

Apparently there is a new wave of mothers that refuse to go through a vaginal delivery. They prefer to schedule their delivery around their life, some are doing it early into the 8th month so as to prevent that last little bit of weight gain. These women claim that "C-section babies come out looking prettier", they find modified Atkins Diets during their pregnancy and do not want to fathom the effect having a child will have on their vagina.

Rebecca Eckler wrote a book concerning these issues titled "Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mother-to-be" in which she spends "350 pages worrying about whether her ass will get fat" and discussing all issues surrounding the changes her body was going through She also never calls her vagina a vagina and instead uses thinly veiled euphemisms. It is not wonder that since she can't talk about her vagina that she can't imagine her baby coming out of it.

If you are so concerned about your ass getting fat or how you can stay on Atkins, don't have a kid. Motherhood begins at pregnancy, your body will go through hell and so will your mind. An elective c-section will be the last appointment you will keep exactly on time.

It seems our appearance obsessed society does not excuse the gestational from body expectations. We expect celebrities to lose weight 10 times as fast as they gained it, and to gain very little weight while they are pregnant. Babies birth weight (amongst this group) are dropping drastically because women aren't allowing themselves to gain.

It's difficult for me to juxtapose my feelings about pregnancy and my feelings about abortion. I do believe that a woman has every right to do what she wants with her body, and that includes terminating her pregnancy. If a woman makes a decision to keep her baby, then the babies health is of utmost importance, and I think that makes an even greater case for not forcing women who don't want to carry their babies do it, because the sacrifices they will make (not only for the nine months of pregnancy but the rest of their lives).

Do women have the right to decide when to give birth, and decide how they want to give birth be it through c-section or vaginally? Of course. But women that aren't maintaining a healthy diet and giving birth unnaturally (i.e. through c-section well before the baby is due) are the ones that scare me. We should also be able to let go of a few insane cultural ideals, like the idea that a woman should be back in a pre-pregnancy weight within 3 weeks after they deliver (especially when those women already had unrealistic bodies to begin with!)

I'm not saying that a woman can't be a good mother unless she goes to every baseball game, makes every Halloween costume from scratch and is home when her kids get home from school with cookies warm from the oven. I just think that certain things like the baby's health should take precedence over the size of your ass.
This is the end of my original post but after a nice heated (but fun) discussion with my twin and my mother (an OBGYN nurse of 10 years) I'm starting to see just how complex this debate is, and I find it really interesting. There are several different aspects of this debate to consider, previously I had only discussed the women that had elective deliveries early in their pregnancy and refused to gain weight. The other women out there that just really don't want to go through the ordeal but have been otherwise healthy (and waiting until close as possible to the delivery date) and they are the ones that are causing a true debate.

Class -
Giving birth is messy to say the least. Aside for the amount of fluid you release, there is also the physical exertion which means for tonnes of sweating screaming and the obvious discomfort. The term "too posh to push" was coined after "Posh Spice" had an elective c-section in a private hospital. She had to foot a pretty hefty bill in order to make it happen and it was seen as just another sign that she was part of the elite. When this happened it was seen as her way of avoiding all the mess and work associated with natural birth. Not all women can afford an elective c-section as some insurance companies won't cover it and women with no insurance are looking at a longer stay in the hospital and a much more expensive delivery (vs. a vaginal one which requires less recovery time).

So it's pretty safe to say that on the whole elective (and remember that by elective we are discussing women who CAN give birth but choose instead to have a c-section) idea is only available to women with better health insurance/more money, at least in the US and countries where elective sections are not being covered by national health care. This is not to say that because of this they should be deprived of it, but this is definitely not an option afforded to all women.

Choice/Feminist Rights- It's your body and your baby, so why shouldn't you have the choice to have you baby delivered safely in the manner you choose? Why is there this stigma that says in order to love your child, you have to go through pain? Will we eventually move towards a mentality where giving birth vaginally will be seen as archaic? Currently a woman has a 1 in 4 chance of dying during a c-section, and many other complications can occur like excessive bleeding that can result in an emergency hysterectomy. If this becomes safer then maybe it could become the trend of the future?

On the other hand, women that are choosing to have a section are being stigmatized, and treated as if they are not "Real mothers" because they weren't willing to suffer, or sacrifice. I think the nine months of carrying the baby is sacrifice and suffering enough, and a woman that had a healthy pregnancy isn't less of a mother because she doesn't want to push.

And what about adoptive mothers? Under the same argument are adoptive mother's not true mother's because they didn't suffer?

Aesthetic- obviously there is a certain level of aesthetic involved in the giving birth. There is none. It's damn ugly and can leave your vagina not so pretty either. Some are claiming (and I agree with this) that the youth obsessed culture dictates this idea that a woman should have a virginal vagina until the day she dies. Other women feel that no matter how many kegels you do sex will never be the same after giving birth, and don't want to deal with that. I'm wondering how much sex they think they are gonna get to have with a baby keeping them up all night (JK).
Women in their 50's that decided to give birth are now being presented with a new option "vaginal rejuvenation surgery". When I think of that all I can picture is women in Africa and the genital mutilation that goes on, then you come to America and women are willing to pay to have theirs mutilated.

The Bottom Line for me is that the idea of pregnancy and childbrith right now seems incredibly firghtening and telling me that I could have a surgery instead of labor, doesn't sound so bad. It is my body and my choice to give birth how I chose, be it at home, in water or with a section. So long as the woman is carrying to term and eating enough to keep both her and her baby healthy, then it's their business.


Blogger Miss HT Psych said...

Couldn't agree more, m'dear! ;)

Blogger Richard said...

I can't understand why someone would elect to have a c-section rather than normal birth. Having been there at the birth of both my children and seen how different each experience was for my wife (and me) I just don't understand it. My wife said even though it was incredibly painful with our 2nd she would never have thought of having a c-section unless it was for the baby's sake. Why mess about with something that is so natural? And what's up with women that go on a diet straight after child birth? If you are able to breast feed it'll come off in its own time. Worry about your weight is inconsequential when you have a new child to care for.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I have no kids and I still have a fat ass. Life isn't fair.

Blogger Übermilf said...

Brooke... lol. Miss Psych would be able to discuss this much better than I, but it is so sad that women hate their own bodies so much, and are willing to sacrifice anything to retain their "toy" status.

Because is this about health, or what they look like to others? That they stay a commodity, rather than become a human being?

Sorry to take such a serious tack. I fear for the babies, I really do. Although I'm sure they'll be shoved off to a nanny, who will undoubtedly love them more than their sick mothers are capable of doing.

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

I will never forget an interview with Madonna after she had her baby and the interviewer asked how diapers and all that mess was going and she said "I've never changed a diaper".

These women that are focusing on their bodies instead of their baby inside them are indicative of how they will be as mothers.

I get so sick of seeing mothers running around wearing clothes that is the same size or smaller clothes then their teenage daughters, coming to pick up their kids in stilettos and low cut tops...
what kind of example are you setting for your daughter? A mom can look good and attractive without dressing like a 17 year old skank!

Blogger ginonymous said...

i think those mothers are primo targets for Shovel Justice.

and while i must admit due to piles and piles of evidence that childbirth is natural, i can't help but think of "Alien".

i'm buying my children when the time comes.

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

You can come with Miss Psych with me, at this rate we might be able to get a group rate... geez i'm going to hell!

My father made the mistake of renting Alien the night my mother went into labor. The whole concept is rather freaky eh?

my wv is peeel HAHA

Blogger Loz said...

when i heard about britney deciding she didn't want to go through the pain of labour so would just have a c-section i was mad. effing celebrity spoiled brat cow. but you do present some interesting points on this topic... i didn't realise how common this was.

Blogger Nuclear Beaver said...

I had a very long difficult labour and my doctor's assistant (he conveniently booked me to be induced and then took off on vacation) kept insisting that she would do a c-section once I got to the 24 hour point. By no means did I want to be CHOPPED open and have my baby physically removed from me while I was unconscious or at least mostly out of it. I wanted to BE there. Fortunately I decided to go for the epidural and that really helped me out, though I know there is a whole TOTALLY NATURAL camp, I wasn't part of it. I had toxemia, my blood pressure was going up and up and they had me on a pitocin drip. After the epidural I fell asleep! When I woke up, I knew I was ready to go. The nurse kept saying, "There's no way you're 10cm - no way" but I kept insisting til she checked me out. "Holy shit! Don't do anything I have to go page the doctor. Don't PUSH!! You're 10cm!! I can't believe it!"

As soon as the doctor got there, ssss Boom Bang! I had a baby boy and nobody had slaughtered me to get to him. I felt that the hospital staff really viewed me as a medical case, not a woman in labour with the doctor insisting I would have to have a c-section and the nurse not believing me when I told her I was ready. Medical staff should be trained to LISTEN TO THE WOMAN. SHUT UP AND LISTEN.

Anyway, I have a little pot belly and I always will and I know how it got there and I'm so totally okay with that. I don't know if these women understand that these surgeries are major and cause a great deal of stress on the body. Causing undue stress on your body will affect your body later.

Blogger Nuclear Beaver said...

OMG that was a monster post. Sorry. :o

Blogger Toronto Film Grad said...

Wow NB! that sounds like an experience you wouldn't be quick to repeat. But I agree that there seems to be a lot of theorizing on pregnancy. It's not like you were the first woman to have a kid right?

I think you've brought up some good points LMK. The long and the short of it is, if you're willing to undergo an operation so your baby doesn't wreck your vagina, what else are you willing to deny the child? (Again, for optional C-Sections only!)

Blogger Übermilf said...

Um, I can't put this any other way...

I never had multiple orgasms until after giving birth. Apparantly, vaginal birth makes it easier to achieve orgasm, and makes them more intense.

So. Um, yeah, it kinda makes the pot belly worth it.

what boggles me is that i don't see why someone would want to be cut open. i was terrified that something like that would happen to me.

and i am totally with her milfesty on the multiple orgasm thing. same here.

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

I went through an abstinent year and a half because of vulvodynia (which basically means my pelvic floor was hyper and wouldn't chill, making it impossible to have sex) so I'm kinda looking forward to the idea of being more "open"!

Labour still freaks the shit out of me though

Blogger Nuclear Beaver said...

Labour is a piece of cake, as long as someone who loves you is there to hold your hand, rub your back, bring you ice chips, and allows you to abuse them.

Ok, just kidding about the last bit. Sort of.

Blogger Jaded&Opinionated said...

When I went to childbirth class, the nurse conducting it was somewhat of a "uterus hugger." She said that having a child was about the birth experience of the mother, and pretty much that women who had c-sections were evil. I raised my hand and said "Um, isn't it about what's best for the baby? I mean, isn't the health of the baby far more important than how organic you feel as a mother?" You'd have thought that I'd just slapped her in the face. She stuttered and said "Well, uh, you know, of COURSE the baby needs to be taken into consideration (yeah, ya THING?!) but um, it's about, uh, feeling that connection that only comes with natural child birth." Bitch.

I had planned on having a vaginal delivery, although I also planned on taking whatever drugs were allowed. But my placenta had started to deteriorate and Jadette stopped moving, so they did an emergency c-section. I still bonded instantly with her, so that nurse was full of crap. I'd have certainly peferred not to have a c-section, but it really wasn't bad as I feared it would be. Why anyone would plan to have one to avoid having a child the way nature intended is beyond me. Spoiled, self-absorbed, shallow brats.

Epic post, I know, but it's a funny joke that I heard on David Spade's new show:

Brittney had thought about naming her baby London for the place she fell in love, rather than the place it was conceived because Olive Garden Bathroom Floor was too hard to say.

LOL...that cracked me up. Sorry.

Blogger Jaded&Opinionated said...


Blogger Miss HT Psych said...

Ubermilf: I can't really comment on why women hate their bodies so much. Wish I could. Then I could find out what to say to them to make them realize that we're all goddesses inside and out!

Do you thik we can really get a group rate? Hmmm... interesting idea... excellent (HT rubs her hands together a la Mr. Burns)

But I do think it's sad how much focus goes into losing weight and getting back to "normal" sex. I mean, if I just went through all that, I think a bit of a belly is like a badge of honour! You just went through a huge ordeal, you should have something to show for it! But seriously, I think it's a women's choice to do what she wants, but not to abuse that choice and to use it responsibly

Post a Comment

<< Home

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting