1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Chuck Norris loves you.
6. Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
7. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
9. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
10. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
13. Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
15. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
16. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
17. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
18. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
19.When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.
20. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
21. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
22. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Chuck Norris loves you.
6. Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
7. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
9. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
10. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
13. Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
15. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
16. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
17. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
18. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
19.When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.
20. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
21. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
22. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
_____________________________________________________
And my Freak Flag is Flying:
Lingerie, why?
I will admit I own a couple teddy's and some lacy bras, but have you ever worn a push up bra under a t-shirt? you get the dreaded double-boob! no good!
then you have the really lacy numbers that you really can only wear with nothing else on, and then you are only wearing it for about 10 minutes (20 if its a night "all about you") and you know much one of those cost from Victoria's Secret? I could buy new kickass headphone with that money.
I buy my bra's at (gasp!) Target. Gillian and O'Malley, 10$ a piece, light padding.
That's one up from the white cotton hanes numbers.
And my bra's and panties never match, but they are colorful.
12 Comments:
Chuck Norris told me not to tell you he wears matching bra and panties. Now I'm for it.
I'm for comfort.
Dilf gets turned on no matter what I do.
For more chuck norrisism.. click here
I'm for comfort to, and it usually comes in the form of TFG's t-shirts that fit like dresses.
i don't wear bottoms usually, so the matching thing doesn't matter.
i would rather spend my money on other things.
like booze and shoes.
target lingerie is the best!
I don't think I own any matching stuff.....
I was having a shitty day until I read this. I'm crying I'm laughing so hard. THANK YOU!
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Everyone needs a little laugh on a friday...
Miss Kendra: booze and shoes? good choice, me its electronics, music and booze. Thank God for Trader Joe's cheap wine!
Molly: Target is the best.
I love Chuck Norris!
I just got 2 wonderfully comfortable bras at Fredricks of Hollywood for $12.00 each and I bought matching panties to go with them. Check it out if you have one or go on-line. I had never gone into one of their stores because I thought all their stuff was slutty, but I was wrong, they also have very tasteful stuff!
i got this Chuck Norris thing - but the full version - by email at work, and i couldnt answer the phone or do anything but cry from laughter.
"Chuck Norris does not believe in Germany."
What the hell were you talking about earlier, LMK?
You forgot one thing: Chuck Norris can punch his way out of a steel vault, but can't act his way out of a wet paper bag.
I loved this post. A lot. And now I can love it even more, thanks to this little article:
http://www.chucknorris.com/html/events.aspx?type=1
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