Why did I think it would be different and I wouldn't end up feeling like a maid that doesn't earn money?
Thursday, March 23, 2006
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30 Comments:
am i suddenly feeling grateful to be single?
Aren't there dishes that you could be washing?
For the love of God, don't kill me.
Nick, I will let you live. But just this once.
Loz- sometimes I envy you, but then I need a jar opened and I'm glad I have him around.
you envy me???? join the club!!!
i mean... START the club oh founding member.
i do plan on stealing your button but i am lazy and unmotivated. plus 2 of mt acryclic nails have fallen off and i am wonky see-saw typing and i can't handle it anymore.
Going to school IS a job.
The idea that there will be some completely progressive male who will share the housework, clean up after himself, be attuned to our every need and whim, is emotionally evolved...well, that's just crazy talk. Men truly are different than we are. Finding one whose "maleness" doesn't make you nuts is the key. Actually, the key is just plain old communication. You have to talk about the things you're feeling because he doesn't know. They never do. You can't hold it against them, either.
You both work outside the home - you're in school, he's teaching - so the household chores should be shared. It's not about money... you're doing something that is investing in your financial future, but it's no less work, and no less important than what he's doing. So don't feel "less than" in any way!
I've been worried about you every time I see the cyclone stories on the news. Yikes!
Because you are youthful, hopeful, and idealistic...because you believe that those who do indelible public service work should be most fairly compensated,and you are learning that those with hearts large enough to serve are often taken advantage of. And because you are poor, and cannot buy fabulous shoes like other people your age who are heartless and greedy.
But that may just be me. And what I keep thinking about myself.
i'm pretty sure nick is right.
there probably are dishes.
i know i have some, even though thursday is "dish night," which he decided, when i told him he needed to give me a deadline on when the dishes would be done.
there were more, not less, when i got home at 10 last night.
nip it in the bud now. this is the first time you've lived together, yes? don't set a precedent of cleaning up after him unless you want to do it forever. i'd make out a list of things that need to be done inside (and outside) the house and figure out which ones you hate doing. if he hates dishes and you're ok with it, you take dish duty. but if you hate vacuuming and he's ok with it, he needs to take that one. on a consistent basis. anyway, treat as a business transaction. living together and marriage is a partnership/business venture anyway, and some aspects of it need to be treated as such. save your emotions for your love and affection instead of the daily chores.
and i really wanted to comment on your post below. :P
i love vacuuming.
i like how the carpet looks like a grid after. i was an unpaid maid for five years and mostly i was happy about it- until it got to the point where mark wouldn't put water on to boil for his pasta that i was going to make him at 11 at night right after i finished scrubbing the tub. that was a fun night.
that's the end of my rant.
Use paper plates.
Nick, Pay the woman!
Jaded- I thought he was going to my progressive knight in shinning armor who would always make me feel equal. We managed to divide the chores in way we were both happy with, but then he started slacking in the things he said he would do. I just hate the idea that when he does some cleaning he is doing me a favour! The cyclones are very far away from me, I'm just getting a little rain...
fritz- I can claim that poverty is why I don't wear high heels?! sweet. My idealism definetly took a hit this week.
Miss Kendra- WTF is it with men and dishes? It seems to be the common issue among all my friends that were silly enough to think co-habitation would work. I said I would do the dishes, even though I was cramping like hell, He said he would do it and then I woke up and the sink was full of dishes!
Sis b- there is going to have to be a renegotiation of the language we use. Apparently "oh honey I'll do the dishes" doesn't mean all the dishes in the sink. I hate the idea of lists because it should be bloody obvious.
I removed the comment possibility on the last post because I didn't want people to feel like they HAD to respond.
Miss HT- You know TFG and you know that he is umm... easily distracted? I had killer cramps for two days to the point that I had to just go to bed when I got home. Apparently that is code word for "whole apartment goes to hell"
squid- it sure is a job, one that TFG hates doing.
dia- I fear that it will come to that. I worry I will end up like my aunt who makes the dinner and then her husband just gets up from the table afterwards and go watches tv.
ubes- it may come to that.
lolo- HAHA... that would be wierd.
I'll pay her for cleaning but she's gonna have to wear one of those french maid numbers.
Nick- I don't own a french maid outfit.
It won't be a problem.
ewwwwww
Right, cause that's the offensive part of this whole exchange.
I heart you nick, I really do
I'm fairly heartable.
you sure are, but french maid? Is that really the ultimate male fantasy? Even then, wouldn't it have to be just light dusting?
also, some freakshow in Ubie's just called me a Jezebel
Ultimate? I don't know. It had the whole cleaning theme which is why I went with it.
You really do have to sit down and communicate about that stuff. Mr. Jaded does the same thing. I'll come downstairs in the morning, after he's gone to work , only to find the sink full of dishes. Yep, the very same ones he said he'd take care of. I'll open the dishwasher, which is right next to the sink, and it's EMPTY! That pisses me off like you can't imagine. How lazy do you have to be that you can't reach over and open the effin dishwasher and put the stuff in it. You don't even have to move from in front of the sink. I end up doing it myself, being all pissy about it, and then he says "I SAID I would take care of it." He just never said when he would. He'll come home from work, and get pissy that I'm pissy, since his intention was to take care of them at that point. Of course, I'm telepathic so somehow I was supposed to know this, right?
It doesn't happen anywhere near as often as it did when we first got married, because we communicate much more effectively. If we didn't, we couldn't have stayed married for 10+ years.
Communication. Sit down and talk about it. Make sure that he understands that your chore division isn't just an option, but the way it has to be. Remind him that you're working just as hard in school as he is being a substitute, so not to take that, or you, for granted. The longer you let it bug you, the bigger the fight will be when you finally reach your boiling point. Don't let it get to that point.
I think we both need to get French Maid outfits, then we will never have to do dishes again.
Jaded- We had a real conversation shortly after I posted this and it made a big difference. He and I have always been big on communication and quite good at it. How you communicate when you move in together is a little different though.
Brooke- sounds like a plan.
In my family communication is also called "hitting".
Nick- I'm glad the whole french maid isn't the ultimate fantasy, because that would be lame. For siblings that are so good with words I would think communication would come easy.
KK, take care of yourself. At the end of the day, all relationships are really about teaching us to learn to love ourselves better. :-) That's my story, anyway.
And yes, French maids do it for me too. :-)
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