...why my mum is cursed when it comes to electronics.
See, I got an ifrogz case from my iPod for Christmas and I had just put it on. I was showing her how pretty it was when she took in and tapped my iPod on the ceramic tile counter a few times. The befuddled conversation went something like this:
Me: What the HELL are you doing?! Mum: Just seeing if it works. Me: What was the up side to this test? If it doesn't you have to buy me a new iPod?! Mum: Well I thought that was what it was supposed to do! Me: It's silicon! A thin, rubbery plastic! How about I wrap your desktop in newspaper and drop it off the top of the stairs! Mum: I see. Me: Don't touch my iPod. Ever.
TFG and I went to San Francisco for a few days to visit some old friends of his and his godson. When we first got there we were saying things like "lets have babies in 2 years", the next day it was 4 and by the time we left we were planning on adopting a ten year old in 7 years. 2 year old are cute though and sometimes they know it. Godson had a way of picking out words he heard that he knew he wasn't supposed to say and repeating them. Whenever there was a lull in the conversation he would look up from his book and say "Goddammit this is terrible!" and of course we would all laugh and he would repeat it. My favorite had to be when TFG was reading to him:
Godson: The dragon in the book has a tail. TFG: yes a lot of dragons have them. Godson: I have a tail, it's right here *points to his back* do you have a tail, TFG? Me: Oh he sure does. Godson: Can I see it? TFG: Oooookay.... Back to the story...
Children are a hoot, especially when they aren't yours.
But seriously, I drove back from San Francisco last night and on the way I was parked on the highway for an hour because of a 4 car pile up. Considering the shape the cars were in I could tell that some people are going to be having a really horrific Christmas. It blew my mind that as soon as we got out of the accident and back into the fog people started driving 85 miles an hour "to make up time" and almost hitting me in the process.
If you are traveling this year to visit any family or friends, please be safe.
Please excuse my lame post but this was the longest period of time I could get since TFG got here where he wasn't molesting me. Thank you all for the fabulous birthday love, it was a lovely day. I had a great pedicure (pictures to come) and my mum bought me two pairs of frivolous shoes (pink and blue heels). The highlight of my day had to be my fabulous gift from Tits and the explanation I had to give to my mother concerning it. Thank you, thank you, thank you tits. There was much squealing.
There will be pictures soon of the lovely pendant between my bosom.
Well enough about me, can we talk about the freak show called "Identity"? For those of you that didn't watch the rerun on Bravo because your boyfriend's jetlag is keeping you up, this show lets a person make judgments about a person's "identity" based simply on looking at them. If you make enough correct guesses you win half a million dollars but a little piece of yourself dies. Watching the thought process of the contestant unfold is possibly the most revealing thing about a person you could ever see, it might be a good way to weed out dates, make them play the online version and let all their prejudices come out. The contestant is presented with 12 people and choices (ranging from profession, medical history or interesting facts) that they have to match the people to based on how they look. I thought profiling was wrong?
If the show lasts more then a month then I would take it as a sign of the apocalypse.
Back to the molesting, better posts after Christmas I promise.
I read this in my local paper this morning I thought I would share the stomach churning goodness. Dear Annie: I can sympathize with "Losing it in North Carolina," who found out about his wife's sexual past. Alright, lets stop here for a second. When I saw this I thought that this man's wife cheated on him. Otherwise, what is such a big issue that it is worth writing in for?! Like him, my wife swore there was only one guy before me (that was 25 years of marriage ago). Last year, I found out there were at least five others. 5 whole men? What a whore.
I felt duped into marriage, but I have grown to accept that these things happened before we met. We've talked a lot in the past year, and I think our relationship is better now. Wow, aren't you a big man, do you want a cookie? A standing ovation for accepting that your wife had a life before she met you!?
The problem is, I can't stop asking my wife about the details. I spend lots of time thinking of questions regarding her past. Not only does she not want to discuss any of this, she gets very angry whenever I bring it up.Can you blame her? I told her this is my way of trying to come to grips with it.What is there to come to grips with exactly?Is it OK to keep asking her about these details, or should I try to find some way to erase my memory? -- Lost in Virginia
Alright, so honestly, am I overreacting about this guy? Do you think men (or women) have a right to full disclosure before getting married or is it really none of our business?
A couple weeks without TFG and I'm a total wreak. Having to let go of the life I made in oz and the friends I had as well as prepare for a totally new challenge in Toronto has a lot to do with it too, but when I used to freak out about these things he would snuggle with me. Also, for those of you playing the home game, this Thursday is the 2nd anniversary of my grandmothers death but enough of all that.
I've just finished reading devouring "Running with Scissors". This book has given me a new perspective on my life and my mother in particular. Can I just say, she rocks?
My republican dentist however is a condescending bastard. Today I was asked to come in one hour early for an appointment, then I had to sit and wait for 45 minutes. Already I'm a tad miffed. While he is jabbing the side of my mouth with big, sharp needle he starts talking the the nurse:
Stupid Dentist: Considering this filling is on a contact point we should probably use the alternate filling style. The usual style might not be able to handle the wear and tear.
Nurse: Would you like me to talk to her?
Stupid Dentist: Yes you talk to her while I go speak to her mother.
At this point I don't know what the hell is going on. Are they talking about me? a previous patient? Then the dentist leaves and I give the nurse my best "WTF" face without being rude. She then explains to me that because of where the filling is being placed they want to use a silver filling instead of a white one because they don't last as long. I ask a couple questions and I agree that the silver one is probably best, not that she was asking my opinion in the matter.
The dentist then returns, jabs me some more and starts scraping at my teeth, causing that awful burnt-out-hair-dryer-smell. Ewww... Before he is about to place the filling in he interrupts his current "why I'm a friendly republican" story to ask the Nurse if she and I had discussed "the situation". If I didn't have three hands in my mouth and a hole in my tooth that needed filling I would have left. I wanted to scream at him "What the hell is with you!!?! Have you ever read my chart? You are aware that I turn 24 next week not 14, right?! You know that I can make informed decisions? You know that it is your job to inform me of my choices? WHY would you leave this to your nurse, we aren't talking about my first god-damned period here, its just a filling."
But I didn't. I Just sat there with the three hands in my mouth, not very sure what was going on and how deformed my smile would be and then got in the car and cried.
We are taking baby steps to a healthier body image, but they are tiny ones.
Remember how I bitched about Dove? Well they have somewhat redeemed themselves with this video.
In a not so positive step, in reaction to speculations that Jennifer Garner is pregnant, she has come out and said that she isn't, she is just fat. "I am as physically unfit as I've probably been in my whole life. It's such a horror in front of the mirror with no clothes on." she also says her trainer is appalled, "My trainer just shakes her head and says, 'This is a disaster.' " Thats right everyone, at a whopping size 8 she can't look at herself naked in a mirror. While she should never have to explain to the media how she let herself balloon out of control like this, Jennifer Garner can still bite me.